Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
With just two days of delibration, GEORGE ZIMMERMAN was found not guilty of killing TRAYVON MARTIN. After all these years, it's nice to know that the jurors of the old O.J. SIMPSON trial are still working.
Now that the trial is over everyone will resume their regular lives. Defense Attorney MARK O'MARA will go to his next case, "Free CHARLIE MANSON."
GEORGE ZIMMERMAN is thinking of opening a restaurant in South Central Los Angeles to be called "Whitey's"
Great news for NSA whistle blower EDWARD SNOWDEN. He's been offered asylum in Venezuela. While thinking it over, he's still living at the Moscow airport where he has just been named "Cinnabon Customer of the Month."
There was a bomb scare in Hollywood last weekend. "The Lone Ranger" opened.
How badly is the movie doing at the box office? Now even the producer is wearing a mask. And he was granted asylum in Venezuela.
There was, however, one good sequence where the masked man is surrounded by the bad guys as he waits for TONTO to bring help. TONTO finally shows up with two great looking saloon girls causing an angry LONE RANGER to shout, "I told you to bring back Posse, Posse!"
Pakistan now says OSAMA BIN LADEN was able to be avoided by wearing a cowboy hat. It seems "The Lone Ranger" is having that same problem.
This weekend the big movie "Pacific Rim" opens. Ocean monsters come out of the sea so we must build huge robots to fight them. It's from an original play by Noel Coward.
It must be Summer Time. It's hot, the days are longer and GEORGE CLOONEY and his latest girlfriend just split up. But not to worry, she was also granted asylum in Venezuela.
Mexico has replaced the United States as the world's fattest nation. After a great deal of research it turns out their people eat way too much Mexican food.
In the obese race, the U.S. is now number two, but Twinkies are coming back next week, so we should be just fine.
The Hostess company has announced that the new Twinkies will have an even longer shelf life than before. Not only will they outlast your sofa, but now they will outlast the people who eat Twinkies.
Despite his prostitution scandal several years ago, ELIOT SPITZER is running for comptroller of New York. If he gets elected, look for ELIOT to leave New York City employees their paychecks each week on the dresser.
With ANTHONY WEINER and ELIOT SPITZER running for political office, New York City is changing its nickname to "The City That Never Sleeps -- With Its Wife."
POPE JOHN PAUL II and POPE JOHN XXIII have both become new saints. Looks like PETE ROSE missed out again.
With AARON HERNANDEZ being the latest NFL player to be arrested for murder, it turns out 27 NFL players have been arrested since the Super Bowl. That's why a lot of teams are switching to the "no-huddle offense". Players aren't allowed to associate with known felons.
POST-TRIAL THOUGHT
I knew GEORGE ZIMMERMAN would be found not guilty when I dreamed one night that during the trial GEORGE jumped up and shouted "I did it, I did it!" and the the jury said, "Did what?"
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